Monthly Archives: October 2014

Reasons Why Wolverine Is A Better Professor X Than Professor X: UPDATE

Bonus point for the last post! Here goes:

BONUS: Although both are dead now, Wolverine matters less. The point of that article wasn’t necessarily that Wolverine was born to be a teacher. He was born to be… Wolverine. Just like Batman was born to make criminals tremble and Michael Bay was born for… actually, I have no idea why God gave us Michael Bay. There’s probably some justification. Back on track: the point was that almost ANYONE in the original X-men would be a better Professor X, for the same reasons. Personally, I’d want Nightcrawler because he’s seen a lot of human nature (good quality in a teacher), he’s got a sense of humor (unlike some clawed teachers I could mention) and, if I was kidnapped by the Hellfire Club or whatever, I’d prefer the unkillable badass to the wheelchair guy, but the teleported would be even better. Anyway, unlike Professor X, who generally died leaving everyone rudderless, Wolverine wasn’t dumb enough to make himself irreplaceable. Storm or Nightcrawler or Gambit or Angel or someone could just take over and business as usual, more or less. (I wouldn’t want to be hypothetically taught by Warbird, for obvious reasons, and telepaths are still a bad idea, so no Rachel Grey, but you get the point.) The Professor taught all the classes. Picture dealing with a school with only one faculty member, who then quits. Now add a bunch of super powered sociopaths trying to kill you. Nice going, Chuck!

Right, that’s definitely all for now. Arrivederci!

4 Reasons Why Wolverine is a Better Professor X Than Professor X

Well, my promise to post more in MAY has so far been… unsuccessful. I’ll keep trying though. Today, I’m going to compile a list of reasons that Wolverine is a better headmaster than Professor X ever was. Which he was. For reasons I will now state… you know what, I need to without further ado right here. SO without further ado: the list!

1. Dies less often

So Wolverine is probably going to finally die pretty soon. This is news less shocking, honestly, than the fact that he hasn’t done so too many times before. Let’s compare to Professor X, who has died a whopping 7 times since his creation back in the 1960s. He’s come back for 6 of those times, and is dead right now. Now, these are mostly noble sacrifices (more on that later). But somebody whose entire job is teaching new generations of heroes to combat mutant threats really shouldn’t keep dying in the middle of the semester. Train your kids, man! Stay out of the fights! YOU ARE OLD! Actually, Wolverine is older… but also immortal (until recently). Almost always going to be there for teaching purposes.

2. Wolverine isn’t a telepath

Yeah, telepathy is useful. I just don’t think it works well in somebody as egotistical as Professor X. He uses it for good, but when he thinks he’s under attack, he doesn’t care what he’s using them for. His ends justify his means. EXAMPLE: He thinks one of his students is a Brood, but he doesn’t know which, so he secretly transports them into a psychic illusion where, as soon as he’s determined that one of them is safe, he kills them off and has them wake up. [Unfortunately, I couldn’t find the panel for this. Meh.] Leaders shouldn’t be able to read minds. It gives them god complexes, and I think being able to see everyone’s secrets (come to that, why couldn’t he just read their minds and see who was thinking “KILLKILLKILLKILLKILL”) gives you an obsession with secrecy and deception. Coming too…

3.They both lie a lot, but Wolverine’s lies make more sense

So Wolverine was a man of mystery for like 20 years. Xavier, on the other hand, has been a man of mystery for equal or more time, and we’re only finding out about it now. Why is it worse when Chuck does it? First off, Wolverine was a man of mystery because he didn’t know where he came from. That’s the obvious. Also, the Professor kept things from his students willfully that directly affected their performance. For example: At one point in the early series, he pretended to have been depowered to test his students. Inexplicably, he didn’t give up the ruse after the school came under attack:

goofyxmen110-12b

 

What the hell, Chuck? Wolverine at least tells the students it’s a test before it happens (random Danger Room examples notwithstanding).

Actually, he sometimes keeps secrets just for the sake of keeping them. Example: Cerebro. Look at this page:

goofyxmen110-11

He won’t tell the X-men about this WHY? Ugggggghhhhhh.

4. Hey, at least Wolverine can actually rescue people!

Think about it: JGS kids are in deadly peril, Wolverine flies out with whoever else and starts taking names. X-men are in deadly peril, Xavier… tracks down a bunch of various mutants from around the world, shoves them together, and sends them out to take the names. I’m sorry, who would you rather have sending your ass into battle? For those of you who think Xavier’s team is probably more useful than a single guy, food for thought:

A.He’s the flipping’ Wolverine. (I’m the Walrus, he’s the Wolverine. That’s how it works.)

B. Deadly Genesis. This story, for those who didn’t read it and are still reading this page (why would you do that?), explained that even before Xavier assembled a crack team to save his other crack team from a monster in Giant Size X-Men #1 (I shouldn’t have to explain that story. Read it or Google it), he had another crack team, featuring a geokinetic, a time bender, a kid who can adapt to any situation automatically, and a kid who basically has unlimited energy powers, sent this overpowered but untrained crew out to combat the same threat, and taught them so badly under short notice, that they all died. (2 of them survived and came back for revenge, but that’s beside the point.) Do you want the unkillable badass or the crippled teacher and a bagful of subpar students rescuing you?

Okay, I’m probably forgetting something, but that’s what I have. See you. (SOON THIS TIME!)